I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
