I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
