I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
