WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
