the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
