I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
