dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
