my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
