just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
