Duck Duck Cougar?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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