Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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