No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
