Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
