i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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