I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
