Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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