she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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