guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
