a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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