..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
