my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
