I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
