if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Still dying that you shit outside
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
