Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
