Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
