so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
