Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
