I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
