what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
