My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
