i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
