my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
