They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
