I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
