God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
as a side note pls kill me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
