I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
