Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
