dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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