sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
