Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
