"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
