A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
