and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
