the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
