I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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