I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
