So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
