why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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