Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
