so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
