so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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