My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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