Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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